TO DO: revision of a draft, make changes, add info, make it a good/better essay.
the link I used for the original essay is: www.ted.com/talks/esha_chhabra_how_business_can_improve_the_world_not_just_the_bottom_line.
the original essay is in the attached files.
I. PURPOSEIn keeping with the English 101 goal for students to “revise to improve their own writing” and to“critique their own writing and revise to improve global qualities (focus, development,organization) as well as local qualities (style, usage), this assignment will enable you to revisit aprevious assignment to strengthen your response.
II. DESCRIPTIONFor this assignment, you have the option of revising Writing Project 1 or 2. To succeed,revisions must go beyond editing. In revising your project, you should make a concerted effortto “re-see” and rethink the overall focus, development, organization, and approach of the project.The emphasis, in other words, will be on large-scale or global revision. Evaluation will be based,in part, on the overall effort you make in revising—the degree to which you make changes thatsignificantly affect the quality and clarity of your project.While the emphasis is on large-scale changes to the focus and development of your ideas, youare expected to:• Revise all aspects of the project including organization, paragraphing, coherence ofpoints, style, sentence structure, and usage (spelling, punctuation, and grammar).• Use any previous comments on the project as a guide for revising.• Move beyond those comments to the apply you own revisions and refinements. Instead,use the comments as a guide to explore you own methods for improving the overallproject.
III. REVISION PORTFOLIOThis project requires several components to be submitted simultaneously as a portfoliocollection. Save the following components as a single Word Document or PDF:1. Revision PlanYour Revision Plan will outline what you intend to do and your reasons behind thosechanges. It should explain your reasons for choosing to revise Writing Project 1 or 2, thechanges you plan to make, the effect that you think those changes will have, and whythose changes will improve your overall project. The information included should reflectcareful thought and planning about the draft of the paper and the revision process.Be as specific as possible. Point out exactly which parts of your original project your planto change, how you plan to change them, and why. You should also note which parts ofyour original project you will keep, and why. Because this revision is focused makingglobal changes, your goals should consider your paper’s focus, content, and organization.You will find it useful to state your revision goals explicitly.Richardson/WP4 Instructions 2Format: Your Revision Plan should be one page long, so about 350 words maximum,with your answers compiled into this basic format:Your Nameand class infoTitle: Revision Plan for Writing Project 1 (or 2).I. Overview (1 paragraph): Summarize your plan for the changes you plan to make during revision. Focus on the larger issues here, not the details.II. Evaluation of Focus, Content and OrganizationFocus: (2-3 sentences): What is the focus of your draft? How clearly have you communicated the idea that you wanted to present? In what ways and/or areas of the paper is the focus clear and strong? In what ways and/or areas of the paper is the focus in need of improvement? What changes do you need to make in order to improve the focus of the paper?Content: (2-3 sentences): Does your draft include all necessary content/development of ideas, including specific examples, illustrations, concrete details, and analysis (answering the “so what” question)? What content is missing or needs to be improved? What content is superfluous or unnecessary? What, if any, content distracts from the main ideas or focus of the paper? What content needs the least revision? How can you improve the content of the paper?Organization: (2-3 sentences): Describe the organizational structure of the paper. Begin by considering the overall organization of the paper as a whole. Then, look at the organization of individual paragraphs. Answer the following questions for each level (whole paper and paragraph level): What aspects of the organization are strong? What aspects of the organization need improvement? Detail your plans for revising in order to improve the organization.III. Revision Goals (list as many as you have; you need to have at least 4): Briefly list the main goals that you have for the revision you are about to do with your draft. What are the main things you want to accomplish during revision? You should cover the main points that you have raised in the sections above.2. Original ProjectThis is where you will place a copy of your original work (Writing Project 1 or 2).3. The Revised ProjectPossible essay elements to revise:a. Controlling Idea/ThemeIs my controlling idea or theme clear? Does it guide the content and organization of mypaper? Does it take a strong stand, come to an important point, or make a significantclaim? Do I stick to this controlling idea throughout my paper?b. Content and Supporting EvidenceDoes all the content I included support my theme? Are there any irrelevant pieces I caneliminate? Do I support each claim with valid evidence? Is my supporting evidenceeffective for my genre? Does it come from a reliable source? Does my supportingevidence prove or explain the point I am trying to make? If applicable, do I usequotations effectively and sparingly (relying primarily on my own thoughts and voice)?Is all outside information cited both in-text and in a Works Cited page?c. Coherence and OrganizationDoes my paper make sense? Is it broken into manageable paragraphs? Does eachparagraph stick to only one topic (but cover that topic fully)? Are there any issues Ibring up twice that would be better off presented together? Does it follow a logical,topical organization pattern? Are transitions smooth, natural, and effective?d. Introduction and ConclusionDoes my introduction effectively “set up” my controlling idea? Does it give adequate(but not excessive) background information? Does it “hook” the reader somehow? Doesmy conclusion effectively “wrap up” the paper without giving a step-by-step recap?Does it bring the paper full circle, back to the controlling idea? Does it explain theimportance of or state the implications of my central claim/controlling idea?Richardson/WP4 Instructions 3e. Sentence-Level RevisionAre my sentences clear and concise? Did I read them out loud to ensure that they arefluent and easy to read? Are they specific? Do they offer concrete detail? Do I use theright words to convey my message? Is my tone appropriate for the genre?f. Spelling, Grammar, and FormattingDoes my paper follow the conventions of Standard Written English? Did I proofread itfor spelling and grammatical issues? Did I consult my instructor or the Writing Centerwith any questions? Style must conform to MLA standards. Papers must be double-spaced, be written in Times New Roman Font size 12 and have your last name andpage number in the upper right-hand header of each page. Papers MUST BESUBMITTED IN MICROSOFT WORD format (.doc / .docx) or PDF. See your Canvasdocuments for complete and detailed MLA formatting guides. See “Checklist forsubmitting your essay” on Canvas for general guidelines. See Purdue’s OWL foradditional information:
4. Reflection LetterInclude a 500-word minimum letter (MLA format), explaining what significant changesyou made, you made those changes, and what you perceive as the effect of those changeson the paper, overall. You might reflect on how you went about revising your originalessay, including the choices you made and the problems you tried to address. In otherwords, discuss where and why you added new text, deleted old text, or otherwise changedexisting text.• What did you revise in your paper and why? Make sure to give specific, concreteexamples. This is your chance to show me how hard you worked on this project.• What are you most proud of in your revision?• What do you wish you could have improved more in this unit? Why couldn’t youdo that?• How do you feel about your paper now compared to how you felt about it beforerevision?• How did revising your paper improve the quality of the paper itself and improveyour skills as a writer?• What did you learn from the revision process?Grading CriteriaYou will be graded on the following:• The extent to which you revised the original project, with an emphasis on large-scalechanges to the focus or clarity of the thesis/main idea and development (examples,illustrations, explanations, and analysis) and with revisions to organization/structure, andstyle, tone, and mechanics.• The effectiveness of the changes you made in improving the quality of your project.• The quality of your Cover Letter reflecting on the changes, why you made the changesyou did, and the effect of the changes.• The organization and completeness of your portfolio.Richardson/WP4 Instructions 4o An above-average project will show clear evidence of substantial revision based onall the criteria listed above, as well as other criteria that the author deems important.o An average project will show evidence of revision based on all the criteria listedabove.o A below-average project will show evidence of revision based on some of the abovecriteria
